Signs to Look for in a Battering Personality

Battering usually occurs between a man and a woman partner. However, violence can exist in other domestic relationships as well, such as lesbian battering and elder abuse.

Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in people who beat their partners. If the person has several (three or more) of these behaviors, there is a strong potential for physical violence. The more signs a person has, the more likely the person is a batterer. In some cases a batterer may only have a couple of behaviors a woman can recognize, but they are very exaggerated (e.g. extreme jealousy over ridiculous things).

(In the following the word “he” is used only to name the role of the abuser, not meant to discount the various situations in which domestic violence occurs).

Click on Read more if you want more information and examples.

1. JEALOUSY: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser may say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love. It is a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust.  Read more.

2. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: At first the batterer will say this behavior is due to his concern for her safety. No one needs to be controlling in order to keep you safe. Read more.

3. QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were married, engaged, or living together. Read more.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all their needs. He expects a perfect wife, mother, lover, and friend. Read more.

5. ISOLATION: The abusive person tries to cut his partner off from all resources. Read more.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS. Read more.

7. BLAMES OTHERS FOR FEELINGS. Read more.

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: An abuser is easily insulted, claiming his feelings are “hurt,” when in actuality he is angry or taking the slightest setback as a personal attack. Read more.

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Abusers may punish animals brutally or be
insensitive to their pain or suffering. He may tease children. An abuser may expect children to be capable of things beyond their abilities (punishes a 2-year old for wetting a diaper). Read more.

10. “PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE IN SEX. Read more.

11. VERBAL ABUSE. Read more.

12. RIGID SEX ROLES: The abuser sees women as inferior to men. Read more.

13. DR. JEKYL/MR. HYDE PERSONALITY: Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of men who beat their partners. Read more.